Lesson 5: Tired But Wired
For so many with chronic health conditions, trying to rest has been frustrating, uncomfortable, or even exhausting for a very long time.
This lesson will help you understand what has been happening and work through any resistance that comes up. We will explore why rest can feel draining instead of nourishing, and look at some practical adjustments to make Structured Rests work for you.
Introduction to Survival Mode and Rest
If you’ve ever taken time to rest but felt just as drained – or even worse afterward – you’re not doing anything wrong. Your system is simply following patterns it has learned over time.
According to polyvagal theory, when the nervous system is stuck in survival mode, rest isn’t recognized as safe. Instead, the system stays locked in one or more of these states:
✔ Fight: Your body remains tense, bracing for the next stressor even when lying still.
✔ Flight: Rest feels uncomfortable, like you should be ‘doing’ something instead of slowing down.
✔ Freeze: Instead of feeling refreshed after resting, you feel heavy, foggy, or disconnected.
✔ Fawn: Resting might bring up guilt, anxiety, or a feeling that you need to ‘earn’ your recovery by doing more.
💗 If this sounds familiar, it’s not because you are ‘bad at resting.’ Your system may associate rest with vulnerability (and therefore danger) rather than safety.
Understanding "Tired But Wired"
Have you ever felt utterly exhausted but unable to relax? You lie down, moving from bed to couch and then back again. Instead of this type of “passive rest” bringing relief, it increases discomfort, brain fog, or internal agitation. This is known as the “Tired But Wired” state.
Tired But Wired Understanding:
– Your body is heavy with fatigue, but your nervous system is still running on high alert with hypervigilance. Polyvagal theory describes this as a collision of dorsal immobilisation and sympathetic arousal; the classic pattern that creates the Tired-But-Wired state.
– Your brain amplifies symptoms like insomnia and anxiety as symptoms, using them to keep you from feeling perceived “unsafe” suppressed stressors. From a TMS perspective, this is the mind’s strategy of creating distraction through symptoms whenever deeper material begins to surface.
This is why you are now learning to include structure and a focus for rests – whether sound, voice, or another supportive cue. A focal point gives your nervous system and your brain the guidance needed to settle. Over time, this teaches your system that restoration is possible.
The TMS Perspective: Why Stillness Can Amplify Symptoms
From a TMS perspective, what happens in stillness is explained by Dr John Sarno’s work as the following: When we slow down, the mind has fewer distractions to keep suppressed stressors out of awareness. Suppressed feelings have space to begin to rise closer to the surface. Instead of your brain allowing you to feel those stressors and emotions, it generates or amplifies physical symptoms as a diversion. This is a long-practiced defence strategy.
This is why passive rest can feel worse than staying busy. Stillness removes the usual distractions, giving the mind less to focus on. Without movement or activity to “keep things away,” the protective TMS mechanism steps in more strongly, using symptoms to pull your attention back to the body, to pain or fatigue or other very noticeable sensations that are uncomfortable, and away from the material underneath. The result is the classic cycle: you lie down to rest, your symptoms spike, often with anxiety becoming extremely noticeable, and you feel more unsettled than before.
A Personal Experience: Getting “The Yawns”
I remember when I first started practicing Structured Rests, something incredible happened – I started yawning. Not just once or twice, but over and over again, as if my system was finally exhaling after years of holding tension. That was when I realised something shocking:
💗 I hadn’t yawned in over two years. 💗
My nervous system had been so locked in survival mode that it had forgotten how to switch into its natural rhythm of rest and repair. That first deep yawn felt like a signal — my body was finally remembering how to release, how to soften, how to begin to recover.
This is what happens when you give your nervous system and brain the right conditions to feel safe. Even if you don’t notice big shifts right away, your body is always listening, always adapting. Over time, these small Structured Rests retrain your system to move out of the “Tired But Wired” state and back into a natural rhythm of restoration.
If Resistance Comes up ... Or When
If you feel resistance to adding multiple Structured Rests to your daily rhythm, you are not alone.
Many people experience a deep, internal conflict – part of them knows they need rest, while another part resists it as if rest were a punishment. This can feel similar to being sent to bed as a child when you weren’t tired or didn’t want to stop playing. This resistance is a self-protective response.
A part of you may associate rest with:
Losing control (“If I slow down, I’ll fall apart.”)
Weakness or failure (“I should be able to push through.”)
Frustration (“Rest never helps anyway.”)
Rest is not something being taken from you – it is something you can create a new relationship with.
If resistance comes up, try these small shifts:
✔ Start small. If five minutes is too much, start with one minute structured rests.
✔ Use sound or a guidance. Instead of trying to rest in silence in the old way, reframe how you think of these pauses as “activity with your eyes closed”; give your system something to follow.
✔ Let go of expectations. Even if a structured rest doesn’t feel “productive,” it is still working.
I don't want to rest on My "Good Days"!
I know how hard it is to make yourself rest, especially on “good days” or what I call “low symptom days” when you finally feel like you can “get things done.” But this technique is revolutionary for recovery, and it’s simple to understand and put into place. When we build in a consistent pattern of alternating activity and structured rests, we regulate the nervous system and reinforce safety within the mind-body system.
This way of approaching your recovery journey is deeply supportive, nurturing stability and resilience rather than reinforcing exhaustion and depletion. Instead of waiting until you are overwhelmed to collapse and then trying to rest, Structured Rests create a rhythm of restoration that allows you to expand capacity over time.
Adapting Structured Rests to Different Stages of the Journey
Because everyone’s journey is unique, here are three ways to adapt Structured Rests based on where you are:
📌 If you can commit to four Structured Rests per day:
✔ Follow the suggested routine of morning, midday, afternoon, and bedtime rest periods.
✔ Try one of my guided meditations at least once per day (or more is ideal).
✔ Experiment with different types of sound – instrumental music, nature sounds, or guided meditation.
📌 If you are severe or bedbound and Structured Rests feel impossible:
✔ Start with just one minute per rest and gradually build up.
✔ If sound is overwhelming, begin with my silent meditation track designed for ultra-sensitive nervous systems.
✔ Know that even small steps rewire your brain over time.
📌 If you have a busy life and Structured Rests seem unrealistic:
✔ Begin with one-two-minute micro-breaks, even if it’s sitting in your car or waiting for the kettle to boil.
✔ At bedtime, try one longer meditation (20–30 minutes) to transition into deeper structured resting.
✔ On chaotic days, practice self-compassion rather than aiming for perfection.
💗 The recovery journey is not about doing things perfectly, but about learning to show up for yourself with self-compassion and intention.
Try one small change today. Even a few minutes of structured rest can help shift your experience.
🎧 Pop headphones on if you have some. And then press play below on the 5 minute audio guidance, and close your eyes.
Final Encouragement & Next Steps
At this stage of your recovery journey, learning to do Structured Rests is a skill you build, not something you “succeed” or “fail” at. Even if it feels difficult now, every small, intentional pause teaches your system that nervous system regulation and brain rewiring is becoming possible.
Before moving into the final integration chapter, take a moment to recognise yourself for the work you have done here. This is a meaningful achievement. You may like to give yourself a small reward to reinforce that message. It could be something simple, like a warm drink, stepping outside for a breath of fresh air, or listening to a sound that brings ease.
Next you can return tomorrow, or whenever it feels right, to explore a deeper practice. This 20 minute guided audio for Structured Rest has been created to help your system settle and integrate.
🎧 Go to the Deep Structured Rest Practice →
After that, you’ll be invited to return to complete a short Check In. This will help you consolidate the learning, reflect on what stands out for you, and prepare for the final integration phase of the mini-course.
